Put me on coach, I'm ready to play. Centerfield? Fuck that, I can't run that fast or jump that high. I'm more of a middle reliever. I'm here to help carry you through to those long innings of life with some insightful humor and an inquisitive philosophy on life.
I haven't been posting from the blog because every moment I have spent writing has been spent honing and perfecting my stand up comedy routine. The blog has been a platform for me to use as a jumping point to get into doing live comedy. It will all culminate on my birthday, October 1st, where I will be roasted by my peers and perform for the first time to a live crowd. If you can attend, I highly recommend you do as to not miss the guaranteed hilarity of either a successful performance or the bombing of lifetime.
For those not lucky enough to attend such a debacle, I present to you with this week's Purely a Matter of Relevance, a written tidbit of what you will have to look forward to from my performance. Please, read and laugh (or don't lol) and leave your irrelevant opinion in the comments section of a small slice of my irrelevant comedic view of the world. Enjoy!
Problems we all have 'em, its great
My problems are my problems and no one can ever truly understand how the can infect and degrade and warp our minds. Our fragile little minds, weak fragile underachieving mass, only working at 10% of its capacity like a fucking Kardashian with cerebral palsy.
Anything, literally anything can break the mind, words can crush them. Destroy them. You're driving around having a good day and you hear a lyric from song that can fuck your whole day up.
When Jessie Spano got addicted to speed on a very special episode of Saved By The Bell, I was crushed! that shit fucked me up. A death of my favorite character on Walking Dead or Game of Thrones fucks my whole week up. I sulk around my house, devastated, calling out sick, "Like, fuck man, I'm sorry. Yeah I'm not gonna make it in. Yeah man, my brother Tyrese died, yeah I know just like T-Dog, I know it's fucked up, I know I missed last week cause my cousin Jon Snow got stabbed, it's dangerous out here, I just can't I'm sorry."
It's sad how weak our fragile little minds actually are.
And we're the only animals like this! Could you imagine a bear going through anxiety and depression? Not cause his girl left him for some other bear, cause that was months ago, she left and took half the honey, the divorce was hard on the cubs. But could you imagine him sad cause he saw something that reminded him of her. This majestic creature, not leaving the cave for a week, sitting around in sweatpants watching daytime television, depressed about life? He finally gets up the strength to go outside, he ends up walking around the woods with his boy, lamenting haha.
"See this tree, man? This was her tree. After Stacy would shit, she rub her ass on this tree right here, you see that man? You see those stains, I can't, I can't do this, fuck man, I'm a mess."
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