Purely a Matter of Relevance: All Men Must Serve or How I Learned You Can’t Always Get What You Want

I haven’t written a blog post in a year, so bear with me y'all, I’m a tad rusty.

So let me just get my only real gripe out of the way. They rushed this season so the writing ended up pulling punches and I think took no chances. Everything that happened makes logical sense and it’s how it would work if these people were in real world situations. But it’s not. It’s fucking Westeros. There’s dragons, zombies, magic and timeline warping. To come this long for so many years and just sweep everything away, throw away arcs and give little to any payoff is soft in my opinion. I enjoyed the episode and the endings everyone got, but everyone seemed really blasé about it. Which I get, people who want to live would just fall in line, real life people. But this isn’t real life. This is a world of extremes and has been since episode 1. I feel like there weren’t any chances taken. Honestly though, that’s just me as a viewer feeling that way, what they want to do with the story is on them and I’m not mad at the choices they have made, it just didn’t have any teeth.

The nods to Bran knowing and by in part having that knowledge and lying by omission knew what was going to happen if not actually orchestrating all of this season was nice, but everyone played it off. “Why do you think I came?” Cold blooded but I would’ve been like, “what the fuck Bran, you could’ve said something?!” I kid, but seriously everyone just seemed so placid; “this doesn’t have a happy ending.” In my best Thor voice, “is it though?” Again, I don’t write this show, it’s their choice to create whatever art they want, but I just felt like everything lacked a much needed weight.

The final seasons were like if they threw a bunch of puzzle pieces on the table. Some pieces fit, some they removed. I guess it doesn’t matter that Sam’s a maester and has a pregnant wife and son. I guess we didn’t need a satisfying ending to Cersei, one of the best TV villains in history. I guess we just have to deal with main villains changing hands in a span of 3 episodes with no room to actually breathe. Once it was said and done though only certain pieces were left so tidying it up became easy. They swept all the pieces together instead of meticulously placing them. The first 3 episodes was the Winds of Winter and the last 3 were a Dream of Spring, I guess fuck me thinking that each could’ve gotten a full season each and had room to stretch its legs. But hey, this isn’t my show and I get that. But for the fans out there that think it’s wild that we as viewers don’t get to have an opinion is just as short sighted as the writers cramming it all into 6 episodes.

I’m thinking back on it now, back on the finale and back on the ten years #ThronesYall has enveloped my life and truly, I’m very happy with where everyone ended up. They cleaned everything up neatly. Maybe too neatly for my tastes but everyone got the ending they deserved, minus Cersei.

I give the finale an 8.25/8.5 out of 10 and I give Game of Thrones as an entire show 8.8/10. Quality TV and any hater out there can try and tear it down, but this show was a thing, a BIG THING and it did it’s thing for years. I applaud the actors who were not at any fault for story narrative, I applaud Djawadi for the score, I applaud GRRM for creating a world we love and got to see adventures in and lastly I applaud D&D. They had the impossible task of trying to live up to the hype everyone created and as many short comings anyone wants to point out or hold over their heads, they did their jobs, how well they did it is up for you to choose.

Good friend Jon Zlinsky put it really well.  "In the light of the day, I think I've come around to the ending just.... fine. Like ordering a meal at a restaurant that sounded good bit it didn't really hit the spot.  Yeah it satiated the hunger but you think about what could have been if you just ordered the ribs instead."

I of course just like many of you have theories and wishes of different outcomes. This was a solid finale.  The arcs are closed and the characters are moving on.  Some to where they've always wanted (Sansa), some to where the wind is taking them (Arya), and some to where they need to be (Jon).  In the end though, the viewer and characters alike may not have got what they wanted, but they got what they needed and this kids was purely a matter of relevance.

Purely a Matter of Relevance: Go Out of Your Way to Be a Friend to Those in Need or Happy Birthday, Britt

This originally was going to be a really long blog post, but instead I’m going to use my time to keep it short and sweet and spread some positivity.

Today is Britt’s birthday and although she isn’t here I want to take a moment to celebrate. “Celebrate you say?” Yes. Celebrate the life of someone who has and will continue to touch the lives of many.

So do me a favor. Text a friend. Share a kind word to a stranger. Everyone is out here dealing with issues that most will never be aware of. Remind those people they are not alone. That they don’t have to battle their demons on their own.

It’s much better to take a moment out of your day to brighten up someone else’s. So here’s to you Britt and to the masses out there fighting the good fight.

This was purely a matter of relevance.

Purely a Matter of Relevance: Social Media Meme Farmer Wrongfully Incarcerated or Why Does Zuckerberg Hate The Pixies?

Hey there boils and ghouls. Noticed an absence over the last 24? Yup, you guessed it. I was in FB jail. But for what you ask? What lewd content did Reese share? What ass eating analogy pushed it over the edge?

It was a song.

A goddamn song. I shared “Where Is My Mind?” by The Pixies yesterday while listening to it on Spotify. I hit the share button, I didn’t even add any text. I just hit post. Shortly thereafter I tried to open my FB app and I was greeted by this (*see attached screenshot*). I filled out a reply as you could see and hit send. The very next screen then tells me I have been banned for 24 hours.

Now I sat on this and thought long on how this came about. There was no nudity, no profanity, hell, there wasn’t any text that went along with link at all. I have deduced that only a handful of things could have transpired:

1. Someone really fucking hates the ending of Fight Club.

2. Zuckerberg was preemptively banning me before I could do something actually worth chastising.

3. A friend, follower or some random asshole reported my post which instead of actually doing any due diligence, FB hit me with a banhammer.

3 is the most likely of these scenarios.

Listen, I post a lot of polarizing and down right atrocious stuff and have never been banned (besides that one time I made a school shooting joke, whoops 🤷🏾‍♂️). Even in that case it was a light hearted poke at a meme that obviously ruffled someone’s feathers.

The point I’m trying to make is that if you feel offended you have every right to flex your keyboard muscles and report someone. I don’t think it’s the best resolve but it’s your life and you have that option if you so choose it.

But if you’re salty at me for my posts or opinions, voice them. Or actually report a post that is in violation of some rule. Miss me with that shit reporting a goddamn song link that I wanted to share with the world.

I run a business and 3 podcasts through FB which I am constantly fielding messages and comments, I don’t have time for your games. I’m just trying to keep you kids smiling in the face of this sick sad world, nothing more nothing less.

If you have something to say, say it, if not, bye Felicia. This has been purely a matter of relevance.

Purely a Matter of Relevance: The Savage Meme Manifesto or When Did I Become That Guy?

Very recently a close friend of mine called me out for my ridiculous memes I post. My gf although being somewhat indifferent wholeheartedly agreed that my posts are over the fucking top and somewhat uncalled for. I even have a couple people recently ask why I even do this. When did I become that guy?

If you haven’t noticed, I do a lot of shit online. A store, 3 podcasts, a blog, an all but deceased band and even acting like I’m gonna get into stand up. So I’m marketing myself on the internet on a constant and daily basis. Nothing is better for marketing than traffic. Each view, like, comment or share is increasing my organic reach and it shows. I’ve had these people ask why don’t I start a page so it’s not on my FB profile so it’s not a reflection of me.

Firstly, I have created pages for numerous ventures. MULTIPLE pages. I have invited my entire friends list to those pages. Sadly, it just doesn’t work that way. I have 3,000 friends, I send out 3,000 invites, and my pages only have anywhere from 100-300 likes on each of my pages. I post from those pages and it gets hidden by FB’s algorithms or pushed down for paid content. My organic reach from my personal page is simply stronger and better equipped to entertain people.

Secondly, none of your FBs are a true reflection of you. If you see something on FB and your first reaction is to judge whoever posted it based on the life they uphold on social media, I think that’s a problem within itself. All of our social media personas are just that; personas. If you want a prolific true representation on the internet of someone get off of FB and used LinkedIn.

Thirdly, it’s funny. Shock value is an amazing tool that brings multiple eyes to my page through my creating, sharing and reposting of savage memes. Is it stupid? Sure. Is it ethically questionable? Sure. Does it work though? Absolutely.

I’m writing all of this as less an explanation for why I have become this over the top meme farmer and more as a declaration to anyone that is questioning my actions or feel disgusted by them. I’m sorry if your friends or family have to witness the awful things I post but I do it because someone’s going to do it anyway, so I might as well use it as a device to generate traffic to my page, which when pushing a product that is literally just yourself, my page gaining attention of any type is a positive in the end.

In summation, I’ve made my peace with my mother and my god for the things I post. I don’t wish you to unfollow me or unfriend me over it, but I can’t make everybody happy all of the time so I might as well not try but I do apologize in advance for the crazy shit you’re going to see when you follow me.

What do you think? Should I stop? Should I create another page to be lost in the sea of thousand of others? I want to know your opinions. Just remember as always, this was purely a matter of relevance.

Purely a Matter of Relevance: People Get Offended Too Easily These Days or No, People Have Been Offended For Years And You’re Just Now Listening

Purely a Matter of Relevance: People Get Offended Too Easily These Days or No, People Have Been Offended For Year’s And You’re Just Now Listening

Perspective. It’s one of the key elements of daily living. Even down to its most basic form. Without light bouncing off of objects and refracting in our eyes we wouldn’t be able to see anything and would walk into walls and off of cliffs like lemmings to the slaughter. In its more advanced forms perspective is what gives us the ability to have empathy and look at situations in a light you might not have considered prior.

So in the time since my last post some instances have arisen that bring things like perspective to the forefront. Nothing can create a better chance for perspective to come into play like when discussing topics that touch the nerve of many individuals. 

I gaze towards the pachyderm in the corner. His name tag reads racism. Let’s acknowledge him.

If you have a pulse, an internet connection and don’t reside under a rock then you are well aware at this stage the marketing faux pas H&M made last week. If you’re unfamiliar, the ad in question viewed a young black child wearing a hoody that read “coolest monkey in the jungle.” Now before I get too far into it and let me state that no, I was not offended by it. Alas, I know many people that might very well be, and justified in their reasoning for it as well. In wake of the ad I have seen the example of short sighted perception rear it’s ugly head. “People get offended too easily these days,” or comments akin to “sad little snowflakes are getting their panties in a bunch.”

First off, if this is how you view the world at large, let me point something out; You are part of the problem. I’m sorry buddy, people haven’t just recently become offended by every little thing. People have been offended by these types of systemic racism and insensitivities for quite some time now. We live in an age where everyone’s reactions and thoughts have become center stage, and now people’s views and opinions are able to be viewed under a microscope on a global scale. Personally, I am grateful for it. No longer must we be forced to live in the dark and not know how our fellow men and women are affected by the inequalities of our society. Social media has created a forum for discussion of these topics and by way of this an ability to learn and understand the issues and plights those less privileged than yourself must go through.

Open your eyes and ears but more importantly, open your hearts. Only then can we as a people move forward to a more peaceful tomorrow, but ay, what do I know?

This has been purely a matter of relevance.

PURELY A MATTER OF RELEVANCE: New Year, Same Black Dude or The 2017 State of the Union

Well the calendar has changed. We rang out the old year and dragged in the new to much fanfare and joviality. As we make our coffees and fry up our chicken embryos to help shake the cobwebs of last nights indulgences, I will take the opportunity to reflect on the last 12 months.

What a shit show it has been. Not nearly as many tragic celebrity deaths as the year prior, there were still a multitude of negativities and moments of distress that blanketed the majority of 2017. From the politics, to the terrorism. The hurricanes to the blatant and out right racism. This was the year where Rick and Morty fans made it hard to publicly want to claim you are a Rick and Morty fan.

Talk about depressing.

My personal hardships even tried to break me; the loss of my grandmother, the ending of a 12 year on again off again tumultuous relationship, and that time I was inches away from death. It’s been a wild ride, smooth at very few times and bumpy at best for the most part.

In spite of all these lingering issues and tragic happenings, the light of joy and vitality that burns within me will never stop glowing. I made some choices that have already begun to brighten my path. Cut some problematic people from my journey, went full on head first back into podcasting, writing and comedy, met an amazing person who is completely ok with me being an awkward 15 year old child, as well as even opened my own mildly successful online clothing store. As the Chuck Palahniuk quote goes, “it's only after you have lost everything that you are free to do anything.”

So as I finish this cup of coffee from my amazing R2-D2 mug, I look forward as to what 2018 has to offer. Both of my occupations are moving forward into bigger and better realms and I am having a hand in the progress of both. Establishing an even bigger internet presence as I push forward to produce and star in another podcast and get back into doing stand up. New music from my all but defunct metal band. A vacation to Austin, TX for SXSW. Shit guys, this may even be the year Reese finishes his novel (THAT’S LAUGHABLE).

All jokes aside, I thank you guys for reading these posts, watching my shows, liking my jokes and tagging me in those ass eating memes. I have an insatiable urge inside of me to entertain and if it wasn’t for you guys I would just be dancing and singing into a mirror to a one man crowd that didn’t want to come out in the first place and would rather be home in pjs watching anime. The past year I’ve learned a lot and now I’m ready to make even more mistakes so that I can learn that much more from the running gag we call life.

I love you guys, all of you. This was purely a matter of relevance. Happy New Years!

REESE'S BEST OF 2017 LIST

Greetings and salutations! Today on the blog I’m taking a look back on the BEST OF 2017! Make sure to like share and comment your choices and argue with me about mine! Instead of simply doing a top ten albums list like last year I’m doing my top 3 of multiple mediums and since it’s the holiday season I have an added treat in the form of my top Christmas themed topics! ON TO THE LIST!!!

TOP 3 CHRISTMAS SONGS:
1. Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song
2. Wham! - Last Christmas
3. August Burns Red - Carol of the Bells

Honorable Mention(s): Elvis - Blue Christmas, David Bowie and Bing Crosby - The Little Drummer Boy

TOP 3 CHRISTMAS FILMS:
1. A Christmas Story
2. Charlie Brown’s Christmas
3. Die Hard

Honorable Mention(s): National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

TOP 3 ALBUMS OF 2017:
1. Run The Jewels - RTJ3
2. Lana Del Rey - Lust For Life
3. Kendrick Lamar - DAMN.

Honorable Mention(s): Fabolous and Jadakiss - Friday on Elm Street, Joey Bad@$$ - All-Amerikkkan Bad@$$, Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

TOP 3 FILMS OF 2017:
1. Blade Runner 2049
2. Baby Driver
3. John Wick 2

Honorable Mention(s): Get Out (only a mention because I haven't seen it)

TOP 3 VIDEO GAMES OF 2017:
1. Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
2. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild
3. Destiny 2

Honorable Mention(s): Horizon: Zero Dawn, Cuphead

TOP 3 TV SERIES OF 2017:
1. Stranger Things Season 2
2. Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Season 2
3. Game of Thrones Season 7

Honorable Mention(s): The Punisher, Vikings Season 5 (not higher cause it's only 2 episodes in)

TOP 3 CELEBRITIES OF 2017:
1. Jason Momoa
2. Jason Momoa
3. Jason Momoa

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

TOP CELEBRITY DEATHS OF 2017:
1. Chris Cornell
2. Chester Bennington
3. Bill Paxton (GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!)

TOP 3 SCUMBAGS OF 2017:
1. Harvey Weinstein
2. Kevin Spacey
3. You

AND THAT'S IT!  Please leave some comments, like and share.  Tell me what you would've done different!  It's not like I care, but ayyy, we can talk it out!  Love y'all kids, and I'll see your pretty faces in 2018!!!

Purely a Matter of Relevance: Sephiroth or That Song I Wrote About That Girl That Truly Didn’t Give A Shit About Me

Good morning, kids!  So I just had band practice yesterday for the first time in almost a year.  It was invigorating.  It made me think of that entire album we wrote that our label who has most ungraciously shelved us never let us release.  At the time of writing the songs we were tentatively titling them after video game villains.  I’m in a sharing mood, and also have been clearing out the cobwebs cluttering my head space.

One dark corner is occupied by a girl (IMAGINE THAT?!) who unceremoniously treated me less than spectacular.  I was always good enough to hang out with, good enough to sleep with, but never good enough to date.  Story of my fucking life, but I digress.  I know there are others out there that have been or are in this same predicament so I wanted to share my lyrics so that we may be able to lament on this subject together.

It's a hard pill to swallow. I can't say that the girl truly didn't give a shit about me, but if you were to look at our interactions and what led me to this dark place you would understand. I became a fallback. I became someone that could lift them up when they were down. I became their release from the mundane. But I never could be more. You know how great that feels? You know how awesome it is to know that you're good enough to be someone's good time but not good enough to be their everyday? It's disheartening, it's defeating. It makes me feel more worthless than I already do normally.

The idea of Cloud, Sephiroth and the like being clones came to mind. When more or less used as an escape by someone else it made me feel like I wasn't my own person. As if I'm living for someone else's purpose. I do not believe I am an extremely talented lyricist so please bare with the song.  One thing although I have always had faith in was my ability to survey my own emotions and inscribing them into writing.  So in the words of Bill, “kiddo, this is me at my most masochistic,” and without much further ado, here are the lyrics to Sephiroth.  Enjoy!

Is it a blessing, is it a curse? Not for nothing it could be worse than this. I've grown weary of playing a role.  I'm a clone, a joke, another author in my bones.

Fate is hardly lending a hand - I'm not your friend, I'm merely a concept.  You fell in love with the notion of me, feelings are based on foundations of fallacies.

Fate is hardly lending a hand - You don't know me, you know my story.  Dipping quills into inkwells of lies, how many times have I already died?

How can I be both the darkness in the clouds and the light shining brightly breaking through the silver lining? Lips sealed I cut myself from ear to ear just so you could see me smile  I will forfeit my desires I am all that you want me to be. An empty vessel filled with your nonsense

To be reborn in your image; I am what you want me to be, an empty vessel for you to fill with your nonsense.

This diamond's lost it's luster, the chase has lost its thrill.  I've seen this one before, yet I expect a different ending still.

How many times have I died, to be born in your image?  My eyes have seen the glory, your lies tell a different story.

Purely a Matter of Relevance: Dr. Strangenegro or How I Learned To Stopped Worrying And Love Becoming A Social Media Vagabond

Hey kids, it’s been awhile. With keeping up with the podcast, trying to get a new podcast off the ground, working 2 jobs and having a social life, I haven’t written in the blog for a couple of weeks. Much less of a hiatus than previous for all my dedicated followers and subscribers have sat through. Needless to say, Reese has got some opinions, and he’s about to voice them, so prick up your ears for a tale called:

Dr. Strangenegro or How I Learned To Stopped Worrying And Love Becoming A Social Media Vagabond.

So I talk a lot. I mean, like a whole lot. It’s actually funny, when in groups and stuff I’m either extremely loud and boisterous or very reserved. That’s because I’m trying to tone myself down and not scare the normies. As well as most of you have noticed I’m a black man *yay, congrats, good for you* but with that comes an inherent responsibility to use this sultry and seductive voice to speak loud and boldly about the things that effect my life. If I don’t, can I count on the fact the next guy will? No. Strangely enough from the years of shows, podcasting, radio shows and internet ramblings people actually listen to what I have to say (god bless y’all souls). So far be it from me to take my platform for granted. I’ll will use my shitty fucking soapbox and shout my opinions from a mountain hoping to create discussion and by those means lead to a better understanding. I hope to help bridge the gap. Maybe even help educate someone who may not have seen life in a different or darker perspective.

I’ve had people unfriend and block me and that’s honestly sad. My opinions varied from yours so much that you felt forced to act like I didn’t even exist. And you expect any type of progress in the world when you can’t even cope with my peaceful and jovial outlook and antics? “Everyone watch out, NEGRO AT LARGE! He’s got a keyboard and he’s not afraid to use it!” C’mon guys, let’s be adults and try and learn from one another.

Now for being a vagabond it’s quite simple. I don’t belong anywhere and more or less just float from social medium to social medium trying to put my thumb in every pie I come across. I had someone recently say to me, “dude, what are you 16? You post all day and night, you should get a life.” To that type of mentality I say this; must I be a 16 year old to want to spread laughter and positivity through the void? I’m totally doing it for the likes bruh. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to get all these notifications bruh. Nah guvnuh, I’m doing it cause life sucks. This cog-in-the-machine existence we’ve become mired in is taxing, and if a witty anecdote, a stupid fucking meme or an outlandish analogy for ass eating puts a smile on at least one person’s face then I sleep better at night. If I feel like I contributed to even the slightest amount of joy in someone’s day, then that gives me great satisfaction. So just because you’re out of high school, dropped out of community college and am now cold and bitter because you have a subpar existence, don’t harsh my fucking mellow. I do this all for the kids.

All in all what I’m trying to say is this: if my posts bother you, block me. If my ideologies differ from yours so much you feel annoyed by my presence, block me. If my rampant discussion of tongue punching shitboxes disturbs you, block me. Just remember I am a character. We are all characters, and this goddamn human suit is constricting and itchy. If my words scratch a certain spot in your psyche then thank you for staying on the ride. We never get to choose when it stops so we might as well enjoy it and spread the good word along the way, and that’s purely a matter of relevance.

Purely a Matter of Relevance: Stop defending irrevocably disgusting vile creatures also known as rapists and sex offenders

Stop defending irrevocably disgusting vile creatures also known as rapists and sex offenders.

That’s it. No witty anecdotes. No charming tales. Not even a typo riddled sentence filled with $0.50 words remembered from high school vocabulary books. Just stop it. F U C K I N G S T O P IT. If I see one of you motherfuckers out there on FB start with that, “she shouldn’t have been drunk,” “did you see what she was wearing,” “boys will be boys,” “in Europe 16 year olds are considered adults,” BULLSHIT you know what I’m going to do? I am NOT going to come to your house and beat the ever living shit out of you. I am going to get behind my keyboard, open up a blog tab, FB post, tweet, IG (with a shitty ass clareon filter) and Snapchat where I am going to inform the world that you support rape and sexual predators. Because that’s exactly what you’re doing. If you aren’t speaking anything but against it, you are for it in my opinion. I am going to let the world know what a big piece of shit you are so you can be aired out and dragged right along side the irrevocably disgusting vile creatures also known as rapists and sex offenders.

And that was purely a matter of relevance.

FUCKING STOP IT.

Purely Matter of Relevance: So I almost died...

 So I almost died a couple of months ago. Not in the, “I got so drunk dude, I feel like I died.” Nor in the, “that meme was so funny, I died,” sense. It was more in the, “I spilled a horrifically caustic chemical down the right side of my body and started peeing black and the hospital told me I had 8% kidney function,” kind of almost died.

Now I apologize that I didn’t inform the masses on my situation earlier, but I’m writing this blog now to shed light on the incident.  It was honestly pretty crazy.  I didn't want to tell anyone because regardless of the attention whore social media vagabond I play on TV, I'm a very reserved individual.  Furthermore, I am an extremely jovial and outgoing person and the last thing I wanted was people seeing me laid up in a hospital bed.  It was not very becoming of the #selfiequeen to be depicted in such a manner.

Besides informing you all that care to read these blog updates (which I was very surprised by the recent reaction of people that have requested for it's return), I'm writing all of this to you now because just as of recently I have now begun to enter back into the public eye and I have a new lease on life.  It's a shame that it took me staring death in the eye, on 2 and a half weeks worth of dialysis treatment, weeks of rehabilitation and slowly returning to my previous self for me to come to this new realization, but I am happy that I can look back on all of it and now be in a happy place in my life.

I've taken many things, most of which being my own self worth for granted for far too long and I refuse to allow the weights of my world to weigh me down any longer.  I plan on returning to the world of blogging, podcasting, music and general miscreant behavior that you have all grown to tolerate over the past years.  So plan on more memes, selfies, diatribes and musings for your eye and earholes to feast on.

Dialysis was hardcore.  Having my blood purified by an auxiliary machine is such an analogy for the changes going on in my life it's unreal.  I was told by numerous nurses and doctors that dialysis isn't something most people get off of or bounce back from.  I am a lucky/blessed/omnipotent person (whichever you chose to worship believe) that the shock my kidneys were put into was caught early and able to be corrected without prolonged damage.  Alas, to anyone that knows me in the slightest knows something like a little renal failure isn't going to stop me.  Slow me down slightly, but never take me out.

I also am going to take advantage of the fact you are reading this to tell you that you need not be like me and wait to be on death's door to realize your true potential.  You all have potential, each and everyone of you.  You all have hearts full of desire and heads full of doubt and I'm here to tell you to break those shackles of insecurity and lack of confidence and to start living your life for you today.  Not tomorrow, TODAY.  Actually more like yesterday.  Grab life by the buttcheeks and tongueslap the asshole of indifference the way Uncle Reese taught you to.  Go out there and start winning you beautiful babies, I believe in you!  If you're out there making it day to day, you're still making it; NEVER FORGET THAT.

So to all of the people that have been in my corner from jump street, and to all the people that have just recently jumped on the trainwreck that is my life, I thank and welcome you to the sideshow.  This was purely a matter of relevance.

GUERRILLAS IN THE MIDST OF A REVIEW: Blade Runner 2049

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I haven't updated the blog in the last 10 months.  Feels good to be back behind a keyboard.  Instead of some long diatribe making excuses for why I'm a lazy piece of shit, let's forego the histrionics and jump right into my review of easily the best film of 2017; Blade Runner 2049.

Starring: Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Robin Wright, Jared Leto, Ana De Armas, Sylvia Hoeks, and Dave Bautista

Plot Synopsis: Officer K (Ryan Gosling), a new blade runner for the Los Angeles Police Department, unearths a long-buried secret that has the potential to plunge what's left of society into chaos. His discovery leads him on a quest to find Rick Deckard (Harrison Ford), a former blade runner who's been missing for 30 years.

The film opens with a text screen bringing you up to speed to this sequel of the 80's sci-fi cult classic Blade Runner, an adaptation of Phillip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sleep?"  To not spoil the film I will only touch slightly on the story itself and talk more about how much of a MASTERPIECE this film is.

Our protagonist as stated above is a "blade runner."  Law enforcement who's job it is to hunt down and "retire" (execute) rogue androids known as replicants.  Mostly previous models that have outlived their warranty and are now roaming the world working normal jobs like you and I.  Now if you are not familiar with the previous film or book, you may not know that these androids are humanoid in every way you can possibly imagine.  They live, they breathe, they eat, they bleed and they can age and die.  It's worth pointing out that this element is what makes this tale such a compelling story.  We are forced the question the value of life and the importance of having a "soul," which is a plot point they delve very deep into.

I digress, the film starts with officer K (Gosling) retiring an old model android that poses to him the importance I spoke of prior.  Gosling at his stoic best (much akin to his performances in Only God Forgives and Drive) carries this film like a champion.  The dialogue between him and his costars is heavy and dark.  Not once was there a line that I wish was differently scripted. Penned by one of the co-screenwriters of the original, it's very easy to see how well they stick the formula that has worked before.  A- on the writing, top notch.

After retiring said android, we see him return to police headquarters for a post mission interrogation and debriefing with his commanding officer played by none other than Princess Buttercup herself, Robin Wright.  All of the actors shine, but one thing that grabbed me in the transition of these 2 scenes as well as all of the film was the grandiose nature of the world they are in.  Each sweeping shot of either a drab post apocalyptic wasteland or the glowing neon lights of LA were awe inspiring.  Director Denis Villeneuve's vision not only captured the amazing world Ridley Scott brought to life years ago, but it mesmerized you.  This isn't the over the top blockbuster you want to buy popcorn and turn your brain off.  This is a beautifully epic film that makes you never want to look away.

Not to break down each scene, I will just push forward and praise some new faces I have not seen in film and some classic ones.  Ana de Armas plays Gosling's love interest.  A holographic AI who can change her outfit at the slightest whim.  Her coy performance is stellar and the relationship between her and Gosling is so fully fleshed and palpable that brings you to question is a relationship between a man and woman so different than that could be between a man and computer program?  Again biting at the overarching story K. Dick posed in his novel.  Academy Award winner Jared Leto villain portrayal is amazingly creepy and forthright.  Harrison's revisit to the role of Deckard is more than just the fan service we received in The Force Awakens.  This is an emotional undertaking that reminds you that he is more than just the charming smuggler, but an extremely capable actor, even in the twilight of his career.  The breakout performance of the film though goes to newcomer Sylvia Hoeks in the role of Leto's muscle.  An android whose cold and deliberate actions making her one of the most unforgettable villains of recent years.

The score is superb. Hans Zimmer is at his finest, and borrowing and nodding to the original throughout the film made the film fanboy in me giddy as a school girl.  From the amazing cinemetography, top notch acting, strong screenplay, and awesomely supporting score, this is a runaway for my pick of best film of the year.

I don't get a chance to see many films in theaters, but if I was to suggest seeing any movie on the big screen this year, this would be it.  The only negative I could take away from this film is it's 163 minute runtime, but even with that said, there's no point where the film drags unnecessarily.  The action delivers, the story is compelling, the emotion is real and the performances will have you locked in.  So stop reading, order your ticket, and go catch one of the better flicks of the past 5 years.

This film is black guy approved, a solid 4.5 stars out of 5.

TOP TENSDAY PRESENTS: REESE'S TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 2016

TOP TENSDAY PRESENTS: REESE'S TOP TEN RELEASES OF 2016!!!

WHOA! Holy shit! Reese runs a blog? Imagine that wacky ass reality. But know and understand you live in the reality where Reese is a giant procrastinator and manages a poorly run and sadly very seldom updated blog. Cause that is the world we live in, so learn to deal.

This week (errr...month) I have come to bring you kiddies another TOP TENSDAY!!! This go round I bring to you my top ten albums of 2016!!! I sadly rarely listen to new music, so before you have some preconditioned unpopular opinions about my unpopular opinion, just know, NO ONE CARES about your nor my opinion. I'm yelling into the void once again, so if you took time away from your DVRs of The Walking Snoozefest and are actually reading this, I owe you much gratitude. On to the list!!!

(In no particular order mind you)

Honorable Mentions:

Sia - This is Acting

The Weeknd - Starboy

Tove Lo - Lady Wood

1. Knocked Loose - Laugh Tracks

Now I am the worst listener of newer metal/hardcore. I'm stuck in a perpetual loop of 2007 metalcore and deathcore bands and am very proud of this. I'm not into the bandwagon riding of these nu-metal infused metal bands that have popped up over the last couple of years. This release is a nice reminder that heavy ass hardcore influenced music is still coming out these days. And honestly, any motherfucker that can bark on the track not named DMX deserves a nod

1. Frank Ocean - Blond

Now we were forced to wait a very prolonged period of time for the velvety voiced crooner's third album, and let me say, it's not as good as previous releases. Not what you expected me to say, huh? Even with that said, this is a very solid outing. High marks like the spacey White Ferrari, solid single Ivy, almost hip hop like Solo, and Andre 3000 feature showing these piss poor mumble rappers how to actually use the triplet flow they so highly covet on the track Solo (Reprise), made me want to include this album on the list.  For fans of Frank, go peep, if you're new to his sound, go back to Channel Orange or nostalgia/ULTRA for his more classic work.

1. Beyoncé - Lemonade

We can't talk R&B if we don't talk about the mainstream unanimously decided queen of R&B. Of course I'm talking about Bey. I was skeptical at first, but after hearing the funk inspired Don't Hurt Yourself featuring Jack White, the dance anthem of the year in Formation, the tongue in cheek Sorry, Kendrick's awesome verse on Freedom, and other hits like her pair up with The Weeknd on 6 Inch, and reggae influenced Hold Up, I realized this album truly had a lot to offer, so an inclusion to the list is a must.

1. Chance the Rapper - Coloring Book

Is it as good as Acid Rap or #10DAY? No. Is it a little too gospel  and auto tuned? Yes. Are there still some bangers and catchy sing songy parts to keep a Chance fan listening? Of course there are. To the single No Problem and opener featuring everyone's favorite asshole Kanye, this album was a solid release. Now only if his boy Gambino could drop some hot fire...

1. Childish Gambino - Awaken, My Love!

SOME NEW HOT FIRE FROM OUR BOY GAMBINO.... oh wait. No hot fire? No bars at all actually? A very well produced album that is a shout out to funk/soul music of old? Oh, so that's what we got. Damn, I was hoping for more Sweatpants/Bonfire/Freaks and Geeks style metaphors, but only received this, WHICH IS A GREAT ALBUM, just not what the fans were truly expecting. Drop a mixtape in 2017 CG, please for the love of God.

1. Regina Spektor - Remember Us To Life

For my next choice I turn to my hands down favorite singer in the form of Russian born, NYC transplanted classically trained pianist, Ms. Spektor. This album is a breath of fresh air, a slight return to her more esoteric style than the straight forward What We Saw From the Cheap Seats and Far (her previous two releases) outings. She will always hold a special place in my heart and this album has been on repeat for the last two weeks. Go pick up Soviet Kitsch or Begin to Hope if you want to hear the amazement that is Regina's older style.

1. Wade Wilson/Base Bronson - Eating Ice Cream With Molly Ringwald

As far as underground hip hop goes, this and another not yet mentioned album topped my list of that genre this year. This is a well produced concept album where we see our two artist take up the personalities of Anthony Michael Hall and Judd Nelson to deliver an amazing piece of music you have to hear for your own to be the judge of. Don't sleep on Trenton, Jersey, or Wade and Base in general, their fire burns bright and isn't dying out anytime soon.

1. Sleigh Bells - Jessica Rabbit

Metal guitar shredding, driving beats and sublime vocals round out the electronica pop duo, Sleigh Bells. They bring an originality and power with their fourth studio album that boasts infectious riffs, catchy and dark lyrics and a well polished production that has kept this album in heavy rotation on my Spotify playlist. The powerful delivery of opening track It's Just Us Now, awesomely crafted chorus in Crucible to the amazing lyrics and production of Rule Number One all are shining elements that stick out on this album. Of all their previous work, I enjoy this album the most, but venture back to their debut, Treats, if the spirit moves you.

1. RayRayBeats/Raymond Strife - Gretchen On Acid Telling Her Mom to Shut the Fuck Up

Numero dos of awesome underground unsigned hip hop goes to this beast of an EP. As previous with Base and Wade's release, Capital City (that's Trenton for all you non Jersey folk) is proving once again that when it comes to raw talented music, no city nor state is doing it better. With amazing production highlighting every Trentonians favorite Guatemalan telling a bunch of "maricons" how much he loves them, the amazing Our Name is Ray, and the track whose music video made Reddit lose their minds titled Drum Life, this EP is fire from front to back. Don't sleep on Trenton's music scene, DKFG is on top and not letting up anytime soon.

1. Every Time I Die - Low Teens

The southern rock metalcore maestros that left the muggy FL weather for the chilly Northeast of Buffalo, NY have done it again. After, IMHO, the lackluster From Parts Unknown and Ex-Lives put a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth, this. Is. A. Return. To. Fucking. FORM!  From the pace setting opener of Fear and Trembling all the way to the powerhouse single The Coin Has A Say, ETID has proven they aren't done throwing the fuck down and melting faces, and this 32 year old metal head is as happy as a pig in shit they have decided to come back with a vengeance.

That's it! My top ten list. Please leave comments about how you didn't like my choices and what you think I should've put on here so I can tell you how much I don't care.

This is the Darth Guerrilla, Reese, signing off. Muah!

Guerrillas in the Midst of a Review: Ghost in the Shell

I have very positive vibes for the Ghost in the Shell adaptation. I have felt better about it with each new video they release.

I have come to terms that no adaptation (book, comic, cartoon, anime, video game, etc) will NEVER stay 100% true to its source, big Hollywood doesn't work that way. I more enjoy and look for a devotion to having the same "feel" and look and emotion with solid casting (which I've imagined that Scarlett would be the #1 choice for Motoko for years and honestly, I am ok with that. She's very capable in action roles and has a body type that works) and also the casting of Takeshi Kitano as the Chief is fucking spot on. Perfect casting in equivalence of Patrick Stewart as Prof X.

Ghost in the Shell is a great anime to bring into Hollywood. The series (Stand Alone Complex) works on a level as a procedural police drama, regardless of cyborgs, underlying messages and the standard anime tropes, it is simply a well done cop show a la Law and Order, CSI or NYPD Blue.

Back to casting, I was hoping for Ron Perlman to land the role of Batou, which sadly he did not. I'm willing to give Pilou Asbæk a chance but I don't get the initial father like relationship feel from him partnered with Johansson, he seems a little a green and the older and much more seasoned Perlman I feel would have nailed it, but I can take that in stride.

As long it doesn't have a completely trash screenplay, I feel like this is gonna be a solid movie that can and hopefully will set the tone for more film studios to have faith in anime adaptations.

But that's just my 2 cents.

And we have no one to blame but ourselves...

Here's the rub, kids:

It's not what Trump wants to do in office that makes my blood run cold. It's not his lack of knowledge of politics or foreign policy that has me worried. It's not even his blatant misogyny and racism that trouble me.

There are pockets of supporters of Trump, large numbers even as proven by voter turnout, that are albeists, that are close minded misogynists, that are even outright bigots. There have been chants heard at Trump rallys to the tune of, "WE HATE MUSLIMS, GAYS, AND BLACKS, GIVE US OUR AMERICA BACK!"

These malignant tumors on the American population exists in large numbers and the disgusting platform Trump has run on has made them brazen, given them a leader, and a misguided sense of power and now entitlement with his subsequent win.

I have friends that voted Trump and I'm not gonna begin unfriending or arguing, but know that sentiment is what you backed. That it's ok to treat others as if their basic existence makes them lower than you. That sentiment, that idea, the thought that it is acceptable to treat anyone like less of a human being based on how they were born, that is the source of mine and many others fears.

For the last 8 years we as a people have been trying to fight for progressive change and just like that we have come to a full halt and slammed into reverse. We now are on the cusp of having a president that believes climate change was created by the Chinese. A man that has 76 open lawsuits filed against him as well as being accused of RAPING A MINOR (yet everyone of his supporters are SO QUICK to call Hillary a criminal), a man who plans on making America great yet his own business are majorly outsourced to other countries. A man who openly has put down the handicapped, woman, and a countless number of other races and creeds.

This is what you are supporting, and this is what I am fearing. A group of ignorant volatile bigots finding a common leader to help throw our society back into an age of despair.

As the rest of the world laughs at us, all I can do is remind us all is that we have no one to blame but ourselves.

Purely A Matter Of Relevance: THAT SINKING FEELING (A song for the panic and anxiety stricken)

So I've lost another amazing person last week, and instead of wasting time lamenting and being upset, they will shine through me and my art. Today, I bring you lyrics from one of my favorite tracks from Beyond Dishonor's Generations EP; That Sinking Feeling. This song touches on the anxiety and panic that can cripple us in a state of fear.

So pour one out for my brothers Matt V and Matt E, and read ahead and o can only hope my words inspire someone else to go forth into the world and create something magical.

That Sinking Feeling

Remember when your dream meant something, and then you woke up and realized it was all for naught?  So plan your next gig, your next adventure, your next orgasm... just so you know you are filling the void between the now and your endless slumber.  So smile, you could be dead already... only if you were so lucky.  But here you are now forced to exist.

Failure's not an option it's a fucking ultimatum.

There is no other choice, think about it, you didn't even choose to be born.

The panic sets in, the walls of you're psyche come crashing down... just close your eyes, and hope that ends as quickly as it started.

You can't lose control, you never had it to begin with.

We cannot escape ourselves, and I know I alone feel this torment.  The reminder this life is not yours to rule, and I know we cannot escape ourselves, I alone feel this torment.

So stop trying, and start living, because since you were born your body has been busy dying.  We cannot escape ourselves...  The reminder this life is not yours to rule, we cannot escape ourselves, and I alone feel this torment.

PURELY A MATTER OF RELEVANCE - I'M SO COOL AND I NEED TO MAKE A STATUS UPDATE TO REMIND THE WORLD HOW COOL I AM

Are you the guy who hates sports and finds it necessary to make status updates to remind everyone how much you don't care football season started?

You're the worst people.

Are you the guy who's too mature for Pokemon Go and finds it necessary to tell everyone how much of an adult you are because you don't play?

You sound like a fascist and a real fun person to be around at a party. Standing in a corner drinking an over priced and underwhelming craft beer telling anyone who will listen about the new pomade you bought for your Hitler Youth haircut.

Are you the guy who doesn't watch popular TV shows and find it necessary to remind us via social media how cool you are because "you don't follow trends."

You literally should've just made a status update that says, "I'm whiny and I need to remind everyone how much of a curmudgeon I am daily to validate my otherwise meaningless existence."

It's not that I hate you "keyboard cool guys," but let me be the one to point of how much of an actual loser you sound like when you need social media to tell the world how much of a cool guy you are. Hell, I'm no saint. I write a blog no one cares about and I try week in and week out I have talent and that my opinion is somehow more relevant than yours.

It's not. I just make it seem cooler with the use of adjectives and $0.50 words left over from high school vocabulary books. Truth be told, we're all a bunch of nerds and losers hoping that someone out there can relate.

We're all just vacant minds looking for like minded tenants to come in and stay awhile.

The thought that makes me cringe is that those cool guy culprits subconsciously are hoping that someone is as big as tool as them and will smash their like button.

Spend some more time sharing some dank memes and less time reminding me that you've never watched the Walking Dead.

Cool, you've never watched a tv show, let me go bake you a cake and style in some icing on top that reads "NO ONE CARES."

Go back under your rock of obscurity, please, my news feed needs more room for my crushes to post selfies that I can creep on. I'm the guy that has a poorly managed and even more poorly written blog, and this was purely a matter of relevance.

PURELY A MATTER OF RELEVANCE - The Problems We All Have

I've been gone a long time, kids. Like a ghost stalking the hallways of a dusty asylum, I have stayed amongst you crazies quietly from ethereal sideline.

Put me on coach, I'm ready to play. Centerfield? Fuck that, I can't run that fast or jump that high. I'm more of a middle reliever. I'm here to help carry you through to those long innings of life with some insightful humor and an inquisitive philosophy on life.

I haven't been posting from the blog because every moment I have spent writing has been spent honing and perfecting my stand up comedy routine. The blog has been a platform for me to use as a jumping point to get into doing live comedy. It will all culminate on my birthday, October 1st, where I will be roasted by my peers and perform for the first time to a live crowd. If you can attend, I highly recommend you do as to not miss the guaranteed hilarity of either a successful performance or the bombing of lifetime.

For those not lucky enough to attend such a debacle, I present to you with this week's Purely a Matter of Relevance, a written tidbit of what you will have to look forward to from my performance. Please, read and laugh (or don't lol) and leave your irrelevant opinion in the comments section of a small slice of my irrelevant comedic view of the world. Enjoy!


Problems we all have 'em, its great

My problems are my problems and no one can ever truly understand how the can infect and degrade and warp our minds. Our fragile little minds, weak fragile underachieving mass, only working at 10% of its capacity like a fucking Kardashian with cerebral palsy.

Anything, literally anything can break the mind, words can crush them. Destroy them. You're driving around having a good day and you hear a lyric from song that can fuck your whole day up.

When Jessie Spano got addicted to speed on a very special episode of Saved By The Bell, I was crushed! that shit fucked me up. A death of my favorite character on Walking Dead or Game of Thrones fucks my whole week up. I sulk around my house, devastated, calling out sick, "Like, fuck man, I'm sorry. Yeah I'm not gonna make it in. Yeah man, my brother Tyrese died, yeah I know just like T-Dog, I know it's fucked up, I know I missed last week cause my cousin Jon Snow got stabbed, it's dangerous out here, I just can't I'm sorry."

It's sad how weak our fragile little minds actually are.

And we're the only animals like this! Could you imagine a bear going through anxiety and depression? Not cause his girl left him for some other bear, cause that was months ago, she left and took half the honey, the divorce was hard on the cubs. But could you imagine him sad cause he saw something that reminded him of her.  This majestic creature, not leaving the cave for a week, sitting around in sweatpants watching daytime television, depressed about life? He finally gets up the strength to go outside, he ends up walking around the woods with his boy, lamenting haha.

"See this tree, man? This was her tree. After Stacy would shit, she rub her ass on this tree right here, you see that man? You see those stains, I can't, I can't do this, fuck man, I'm a mess."

DIPLOMA?! Who gives a shit? by Contract Killa Guerrilla

Diploma? Who Gives A Shit?

I know its late but who really cares anyway, just shut up and listen ladies and gentleman.

Its recently just passed that time of the year where seniors that either have been model students or skated along by the skin of their teeth and kindness of a few teachers have walked across the stage and received that much coveted piece of paper which is supposed to be the golden ticket to life but I really sit here and wonder to myself, what does it even matter?

As I work all day long I pass house after house that have these signs that always spouts sayings like “Here Lives A Ewing High Grad” or “2016 Lawrenceville Graduate” and anything far and wide in between. I see these signs and all I really think is how thoroughly unimpressed I am and granted me being unimpressed isn’t personal, it’s the collective feeling that I’m just putting out there for the early acknowledgement that the world is just unimpressed to put it nicely. The fact that you or someone you know graduated high school really doesn’t do anythingbeneficial for anyone aside from you and that’s only because your emotionally involved and therefore have a bias, to the rest of the country and world no one gives a shit if you got your diploma….actually scratch that because the only time anyone else gives a damn if you have a diploma is when you don’t have one which then your less than shit for not being able to get that same pointless piece of paper. Back in about any of the older generations if you had your diploma then you were set and really a leg up on about 30%-75% of your peers (obviously depending on your era) due to the fact of poverty, social and economic class, general circumstance but here in this current day and age the demand for higher qualifications has made the diploma worth less than the ink and paper its used to make because even in the older days if you didn’t have a diploma and high school education you would still be alright because most often than not you had picked up a solid trade in order to pull a good living wage to provide for your family along with the fact that the cost of living (and anything else) was way cheaper but nowadays the price of everything has doubled, tripled, quadrupled, quintupled and on and on and on blah, blah, blah but yet I still don’t even get to the point that matters. 

In this country in order to just survive you need have finished grad school just to be safe, I would’ve settled for an Associate’sdegree but with the way of the world becoming that much harder always that won’t even cut it. Bachelors is basically the new value of what the high school diploma use to be and that’s a tougher pill to swallow when you realize that if you fuck up once your screwed because there’s less leniency than there was before and less value in what you’re learning now. As of 2014 the united states education system was ranked 36th in the world when we use to be in the top 5. With an ever decreasing value in the system and the harder penalty on you for not to have the NOT value (jeez it’s about as bad as the credited value of the dollar anymore but hell at least knowledge lasts and is passed down and even still I can say money still makes the world go round). 

Far be it from me to take bitterness for the world and sprinkle that in everyone’s coffee but when I see the struggle of people trying to make ends meet because they don’t have the right pieces of paper saying they are worth more than they earn it makes me tired and all about the world and its status and with the choices of whose going to start WW3 Trump or Hilary I really just want to go to sleep forever but that’s not a beneficial way to live so really I will just continue with how life is because that change isn’t something I can facilitate so hey little Johnny & Suzy congrats on your diploma, high school was really just a popularity contest and a fashion show for you because shit if my diploma meant little then your diploma means jack now and for the future but wait you can grab some solace in the fact that every graduating class after you the value depreciates like a new car driven off the lot, lets throw a bitter party as we work our 3 jobs to not get by really :D meh who needs a merc for some odd jobs?

Stay tuned next week y’all and keep one in the chamber for me fam,

Contract Killa Guerilla aka K. Maryland

PURELY A MATTER OF RELEVANCE - I'M SO BAD WITH GOODBYES (A Open Letter To Any Woman I Have Interacted With)

Happy Monday, guerrillas!  I have left you the last two weeks, and for that I must apologize.  I spent some time house/dogsitting for friends, furthering my liver's training (some call it alcoholism, I try not to nitpick) and trying not to melt in this summer heat.

What I did accomplish during this time was a lot of thinking.  It's the one of the few things including your circulatory and respiratory systems we do involuntarily, even while sleeping.  The mind continues to wander even in your subconscious state, and over the last weeks, my brain has been writing a letter.

This is a "Dear John" letter to any and all it may concern.  I'm not saying goodbye to anyone person in particular, I am more saying goodbye to the feelings I have shared with a few.  This is me cleansing my soul of the weight of these feelings.  Over the past 10 years I have shared my mind, heart and sometimes bed with a few select people.  Some of these amazing people have been girlfriends, some have been flings.  Some might have been just a collection of amazing conversations or a collection of text, emails or other correspondence.  I don't wish to say farewell to any of you, but the mere thought of you, all of you, runs through my mind more than most would expect, and I can't let it go unaddressed for any longer.

I'm So Bad With Goodbyes

It's 3 AM Sunday evening.  Sitting on the edge of my bed, head sunk in between tired shoulders.  The scent of smoldering ash, the warm sensation of a burning cigarette diminishing in my fingertips.  The soft glow of a television screen, laugh tracks echoing throughout the room, the stacked laughter of the dead my only comfort.  The gentle hum of the air conditioner filling the space between the scripted lines and the giggling.  An allegory for my mind; as instincts of sleep and the impulses of insomnia turn my brain into a battlefield, the space between the synapses are consumed by you.

You are where my mind wonders in the dark.  The light shining beyond the veil of my apprehension.  You are where my mind drifts to in the calm sea of indifference.  The buoy balancing in the wake of my desires.  I am appalled by my own inconsistencies, but it speaks true to my ever expanding heart.  I can't get you off of my mind.  Any of you.

Its never one.  One could be managed.  One can be compartmentalized and tucked away deep in the recesses of my mind.  There are too many, so many beautiful people that have entered my life.  Too many angels that have left imprints that I can never ignore.  You all mean more to me than you would ever allow yourself to believe, and I cannot go a day without something as simple as a thought of you does not run through my mind.

It's 3 AM, and my mind wishes to remind me of every nick and scratch on the armor that my heart wears.  The girl I had a crush on in middle school.  My first girlfriend freshman year.  The girl way out of my league I urged up the courage to ask out senior year.  My prom date.  The girl from the bukkake film I starred in.

I remember them all, all of the time (especially the last one, that's an interesting memory).  I feel like that estranged friends and past loves or recent crushes think I could give a shit less and my mind wanders to the dozens of other people trying to occupy my time, but they wouldn't be more wrong.  I carry this sense of discontent that I cannot be more to more people.  This is not a farewell, but more me recognizing my feelings and vocalizing them in hopes of personal retribution.  You all mean so much to me;

• To the ex I dated, loved, lived with and tolerated, a day doesn't go by that I don't think of you.
• To the friend I had the luxury of benefiting from that aside initial apprehension, we both at some point wanted to grow into more before you decided you didn't feel the same way,  I think about you more than I wish.  
• To the rad girl too pretty and pure for this world that I could watch Star Wars with and could always make me smile, and now I must act like it I don't miss your skin, you cross my mind always.  
• The amazing friend I made over social media sites that lead to hours of late night phone conversations, I miss the sound of your voice.
• The beautiful girl from across the bridge that would hang out with me and let me awkwardly sit close to you and make fun of horror movies, I miss that time I kissed you.
• To the gypsy girl of West Philly and our date nights at the theaters, I miss your infectious smile.
• To the fling from New Hope, I miss the fun and wild times.
• The cute girl who orders that same drink when I worked the bar, your personality excited me, and I enjoyed the fun we had and miss the times since I haven't been working there as much.
• The high school friend that I always had a soft spot for, the times we spent together mean so much to me, even if I was an asshole that didn't call back, I think it about it all the time.
• The perfect one from out of state I wouldn't dare pursue, I crush on you hard, and think about it more than someone should
• My most recent ex even.  Listening to pop music now makes me think to times I sent DMs you never have nor ever will respond to.  "Hello from the other side, at least I know that I tried to tell you I'm sorry for breaking you heart."

Maybe it's more because my own heart is broken, maybe I'm an ego-maniacal vagabond with tendencies akin to a sociopath that does things of this nature in a wild guilt ridden sense of attempting to gain absolution.  Or maybe I just genuinely have an overflowing heart that inundates my world with emotions that I need to scoop out with a bucket to empty out the vessel known as my psyche before I drown in my own lament.

There are so many that I didn't list, and if any girl that is reading this has to stop and think if they fit the bill of who I am addressing, you most likely already do.  So many crushes I have on the beautiful specimens of the world.  Looking through your profile pictures and Instagram accounts.  The girl who messages me and the girl I send a message to, what does that smiley face mean?  Should I tell her I think she's pretty, should I ask her out for drinks, should I ask her what sounds she makes when she's really excited and tell her how badly I want to find out?  I'm an over thinker, I'm not sure.  My heart is on my sleeve, and I can hopelessly romanticize almost anything or any moment.

I cannot lie, some of you I harbor just the slightest bit of resentment for.  Girls who told me they loved me to two weeks later tell me they don't feel the same.  Girls who loved to hang out with me, or loved to have sex with me, but weren't okay with dating me.  You know who you are, and it sickens me that I am supposed to be the guy, the rough and tumble man in that situation.  Forced and expected to act that things like that don't bother him.  To save face in spite of his heart being stepped on.

But also the flip side of that coin, I have been the asshole that have had girls tell me they wanted to be more or could totally see themselves being in a relationship with and I stopped calling or texting back.  Or a time when I literally stopped answering my phone because I wasn't sure of the future of what we were, and as stated before, I'm so bad with goodbyes.  I am no saint in this story, I have been on both sides of this discussion; asshole guy and heartbroken loser.

Please don't confuse my words with juvenile and love struck sentiment, though.  I am an adult, and as much as I am shouting into the void, do not take these ambiguities as a VagueBook emotional farce.  I live my life, and go on everyday, I do not harp on nor let my feelings for love gone past hinder my life, nor does it create an overemotional mess that makes it impossible for me to function in relationship scenarios.  Oh, quite the contrary to be exact.  In spite of all of these feelings that pass through my mind, I have developed an understanding of my heart, and have created a way for me to enjoy the simplicity of life and love without losing who I am in the process by investing large portions of emotions into every interaction I make.  There are amazing and beautiful people everywhere, and those that I may talk too I wish nothing but happiness and contention for them all.

I want to be a friend and a person that can enjoy their time around, and frankly, yes, I would fuck your brains out, but if you're not interested, that's fantastic!  I love having friends and people to enjoy, it matters not if you want to have sex, but we're adults, if having sex is on the menu it's never something that I would turn away from..   I want to make out with almost all my friends, you beautiful fucking creatures. Those who cry about the friend zone because they feel they're owed something by giving out friendship (something that every fucking human being should give without expecting a return) are fucking children.  Shave your neck beard and man the fuck up, the friend zone doesn't exist, you're just pathetic.

I digress, this letter is me saying goodbye to the times we had, I wish that the times could continue.  In some senses they will, many of the girls mentioned previously are still good friends of mine, some don't speak to me and I can respect that.  Relationships are hard and the cloudy ambiguity of texting and all of the tone that is lost within it has made communication something of problem in today's society.  Huh, ironic how tools that help us communicate with the world at faster and faster rates also creates a schism when dealing personal communication.  Be bold, be honest, the worst people will say to you is no.  Obviously a pinch of charm, a dash a wit, and a sprinkling of rugged good looks never hurts (it works for me at least), but go out there and make connections.  Make new friends.  Fuck their brains out if that's their thing, or just share some good times over some drinks and karaoke, I don't know, whatever it is you kids enjoy these days.

To every girl I ever shared a long stare with, made laugh at a bad pun or shared an evening with.  To the ones whose hand I held, whose cheek I kissed and whose night I made, I miss you, and at 3 AM when the dust settles on the day and the dawn begins to bring anew, remember, you will be on mind.  I'm so bad with goodbyes, so I'll just say later days.

Reese Dunlap