Purely Matter of Relevance: So I almost died...

 So I almost died a couple of months ago. Not in the, “I got so drunk dude, I feel like I died.” Nor in the, “that meme was so funny, I died,” sense. It was more in the, “I spilled a horrifically caustic chemical down the right side of my body and started peeing black and the hospital told me I had 8% kidney function,” kind of almost died.

Now I apologize that I didn’t inform the masses on my situation earlier, but I’m writing this blog now to shed light on the incident.  It was honestly pretty crazy.  I didn't want to tell anyone because regardless of the attention whore social media vagabond I play on TV, I'm a very reserved individual.  Furthermore, I am an extremely jovial and outgoing person and the last thing I wanted was people seeing me laid up in a hospital bed.  It was not very becoming of the #selfiequeen to be depicted in such a manner.

Besides informing you all that care to read these blog updates (which I was very surprised by the recent reaction of people that have requested for it's return), I'm writing all of this to you now because just as of recently I have now begun to enter back into the public eye and I have a new lease on life.  It's a shame that it took me staring death in the eye, on 2 and a half weeks worth of dialysis treatment, weeks of rehabilitation and slowly returning to my previous self for me to come to this new realization, but I am happy that I can look back on all of it and now be in a happy place in my life.

I've taken many things, most of which being my own self worth for granted for far too long and I refuse to allow the weights of my world to weigh me down any longer.  I plan on returning to the world of blogging, podcasting, music and general miscreant behavior that you have all grown to tolerate over the past years.  So plan on more memes, selfies, diatribes and musings for your eye and earholes to feast on.

Dialysis was hardcore.  Having my blood purified by an auxiliary machine is such an analogy for the changes going on in my life it's unreal.  I was told by numerous nurses and doctors that dialysis isn't something most people get off of or bounce back from.  I am a lucky/blessed/omnipotent person (whichever you chose to worship believe) that the shock my kidneys were put into was caught early and able to be corrected without prolonged damage.  Alas, to anyone that knows me in the slightest knows something like a little renal failure isn't going to stop me.  Slow me down slightly, but never take me out.

I also am going to take advantage of the fact you are reading this to tell you that you need not be like me and wait to be on death's door to realize your true potential.  You all have potential, each and everyone of you.  You all have hearts full of desire and heads full of doubt and I'm here to tell you to break those shackles of insecurity and lack of confidence and to start living your life for you today.  Not tomorrow, TODAY.  Actually more like yesterday.  Grab life by the buttcheeks and tongueslap the asshole of indifference the way Uncle Reese taught you to.  Go out there and start winning you beautiful babies, I believe in you!  If you're out there making it day to day, you're still making it; NEVER FORGET THAT.

So to all of the people that have been in my corner from jump street, and to all the people that have just recently jumped on the trainwreck that is my life, I thank and welcome you to the sideshow.  This was purely a matter of relevance.